Fear

Warning: I haven't written anything of length for a while now. I'm blaming Twitter, Facebook, diagrams, and concise business presentations.

Of course, not having written anything of length, in some way, was brought about exactly by this post's title.

[But then again, it might just be an excuse for writer's block (and what a huge block that was), lack of inspiration (writers exist because of the existence of pain, the lack of friends, or the regard thereof), or laziness (which is more realistic).]

Fear can be a lot of things. Fear is being (at least almost) certain of something unacceptable and terrible. In uncertainty, fear is expectation of the bad while desiring the good. Either way, it's like feeling the pain (that you hate) before the pain is inflicted.

For example, I felt that when I wrote on a public blog what I felt, it can be conveniently read and I will risk hurting and maybe losing someone that I loved. Which is, coincidentally, a perfect segue to:

Fear is having something to lose.

You have something that is threatened to be taken from you. Losing it will make you incomplete. Losing that something will make you weaker. Losing it will shake the foundations that form the basis of who you are. Losing will make you feel, well, lost.

Imagine a baby, thrust into a world it does not know, without that familiar maternal scent with which it had become first familiar. It cries with feelings it does not understand, but feels as real as physical pain.

Fear comes with vulnerability.

Once under fear, your instinct becomes defensive. You either fight or flee. You turn red or turn blue. You toughen up and fight the outside force or cry and calm the inside tension.

Or you just freeze.

You do nothing. You can't think. You can't decide. You're stuck. Your will defies you. Your reflexes defy you. Headlights are fast approaching and you don't know whether to run forward or turn back.

Everyone (EVERYONE!) will need some sort of back-up to counter fear. Your parents. Your friends. A big brother. A benefactor. The authorities. Ideals. A stronger self that you talked to like it was another person. Superheroes. A god. Karma. Hope. Heaven. Eternal life.

Fear penetrates so deep that even an illusion of a back-up will comfort it, like how a lost man will believe the first map he finds.

A defender, a fall back, or some twisted belief. Anything will do.

Then there's uncertainty. Yes, sometimes uncertainty brings comfort, especially if it is thrown to the wind.

"Bahala na" comes into mind. A common argument about "bahala na" is that it's fatalistic, submissive, and is an indication of weak character and lack of planning.

While the planning part might be true, "bahala" as a singular concept is so much more than fatalism and passivity. Zeus Salazar argues that "bahala" is such a non-fatalistic term, particularly when used in "ako ang bahala sa iyo". In this context, it is a personal readiness to take action and own the outcome of events, even for other people's sake. It is taking responsibility. It is exhibiting courage. It is sucking it up and dealing with shit like shit should be dealt with. It is Sylvester Stallone's patented war scream while he charges forward and wastes millions of bullets on random Southeast Asians.

It is ballsier than hope. Hope just hopes for the best. "Bahala na" doesn't fucking care. "Bahala na" doesn't just recognize the worst: it assumes the worst. It is attacking consequences head-on with a clear head and a ready heart. The "bahala na" mind is Buddha. The "bahala na" spirit is Robert Jaworski. The "bahala na" face is Judge fucking Dredd.

Or, as this cartoon puts it, it's a cute bunny.

I mean, whatever works. Without fear, you're down to like/not like. Bunny or bat, doesn't make a rat's ass of a difference.